Waldorf Class

I am saving this letter here, so that I may remember my 1st expierience with Waldorf education. It is a thank you letter to Olivia's teachers. Might not mean much to someone reading this blog, but its everything to me

Hi Ladies,
I hope this email finds you both doing well. I wanted to thank you again for the amazing 6 week introduction to Waldorf. I feel blessed to have been given a chance for both Olivia and I to participate. It really inspired me in so many ways. Thank you for having people share their copies of "Beyond the Rainbow Bridge!." What a beautiful continuation to our class, and I've had a complete change of heart/spirit/mind after reading this book. I too feel like a slave at times to the media, and what Olivia should have in order to excel. The one part about the book that reasonates so deeply in my core is the part where the author discussed that children need very little toys as they imitate life in their play. It all really clicked for me that they need items that can be many things, such as seashells, blocks, etc, and the way that they imitate life in their play is so beautiful that electronic toys just disturb a genuis in motion. This may seem fundamental to both of you, but for a parent who is just starting a journey towards natural parenting, this insight is enormous and life changing. Instead of removing every plastic toy at once, I've simply incorporated some baskets with items reccommended, and each day I am making her play area's less crowded and more into area's where she can expand on and imitate daily life. Wow...I finally feel a peace in my heart as I enter this whole new world. Thanks to both of you for meeting me at the beginning of my journey, and proving a beautiful space for me to see Waldork in all its beauty. During Lilac the day that changed me the most and gave me an "aha" moment was the last day when we painted water colors. There was something offered in the art that reasonated with me, and paved the way for my understanding of concepts in the book, such as why Kelly dampened the paper, why to use watercolors as opposed to tempura.

Olivia is still singing the songs and tales from the class. It is staying with her and I believe that's because it is authentic, and has given her something to hold on to. I can't explain the peace in my heart since being in the class and reading this book. Its as if I have finally given myself full permission to give her what is real and whole, instead of feeling a push pull with what mainstream/media is offering. I have climbed the steep part of the mountain and I'm seeing the top, and for me this is such an amazing feeling because I have been struggling between two worlds for so long. Thank you both for sharing your gifts and changing both my daughter and my life forever. We will always be impacted by our time with LCG, and I hope its just the beginning of our time with you! But if our paths don't cross next year, then know that we were so very moved by all that you provided!

Inspired and at Peace!

Archive: "What it means to be a leader"

I am archiving this article that I wrote for the Holistic Moms Newsletter.

To be a leader of HMN was at first a responsibility that seemed to big, and the shoes too large to fill. When I became silent with myself, and opened up to what this volunteer venture really is, I was moved to reconsider my initial misconceptions. Being a leader is almost like being a parent, except the cycle is shorter, but the rewards are immeasurable. To witness our group in its infancy, and see where it has grown most always touches my heart. The group is woven together by the hearts of our members, each so unique and talented, with endless energy to fight for what they believe in, all in the name of their beautiful children. To be a leader and see the souls of members open up as they discover new findings, new remedies, new slings, new cloth diapers, and new ventures, is to be part of something bigger, yet something smaller that connects us all. The word "leader" doesn't do the job justice. I am just part of this group and this collective gathering of wise women, only to have agreed at this time to give more of myself so that we can continue to grow. I feel like a member who is donating more time becuase it is my hour to keep the fires burning, and nurture the area's that need care so that we may grow into tomorrow. So that we all may wake with HMN in our community, and feel comforted by this Holistic group of women, each blossoming when we are in the presence of one another. My tribe, my friends, and my circle of life that I am proud to offer myself to at this time. When asked to become a leader I looked at it not as a "status" but as a gift and donation of myself, at this time, to ensure that we would all be able to gather in this way tomorrow, and continue our Holistic Moms Network of support. I am learning and growing each minute, as this journey has offered me education, friendship, awe, inspiration, and wonder. I look forward to the next woman stepping in to be partners with Mary, Melissa, and I, as we keep these HMN fires burning!

Ayurveda

I have been struggling with finding a sensible certification in addition to having my MSW, Something mind/body/spirit focused that I can offer my clients. I am meditating on becoming certified in Ayurveda. I am not living my best life now, and the component that is largely missing is wellness with my body. I'm going to start a ayurvedic wellness plan and see how this works for me. I was planning to get certified 3 years ago, and then heard the beautiful news of being pregnant with Olivia, so I put it aside. I am now called to have a tangible path to wellness that I can teach to others starting with myself. Something that works with who we are at our core, that isn't a struggle, a deficet, a lacking. I want to teach something that is whole, healing, graceful, gentle, trusting, honest, and is directly connected to the source of who we are. I am reconnecting with myself more each day, and the passed few years have been a path, a path back home but to a new home, which is my core of peace. I am intending to find something tangible that I can offer to others, as well as my family, friends, etc that encourages their healing and the exploration of Ayurveda is bringing me a step closer to the longing in my heart. I opened my 1st ayurvedic text 3 years ago, and it immediately spoke to me, but with all of the mental noise I ignored it, but the longing never left me. Its still here, everytime I even utter the word, its still here, the tugging sensation in the center of my core.

This space at Livingforpeace is so sacred to me, and I only post when I absolutely am convicted to post here. Its so sacred that I don't wish to allow mental noise in here. I activate my higher self when I post here, as this was created out of love in a search for love. We all need our space to create in our core of peace, and listen to our hearts longing. Trully honor what our heart is longing for. How often do we listen to our true self who is longing to open and blossom.?

Christmas

I am having internal struggles with Christmas this year. I feel tense, and anxious about the upcoming holidays. My heart is finding it difficult to be part of the collective energy of shopping and decorating, as it all feels empty to me. I question what is behind all of the madness, and feel duped by companies that want to take more of my money. I will be buying gifts for people that were mass made, without love and care, yet my heart is yearning for gifts made with love & care. The energy of the season feels tense, and I long to find a beautiful, peaceful, non-tradtional, yet traditional enough, way of celebrating this season of beauty.

The season is supposed to be dedicated, with all of our hearts/spirit/love to the birth of Christ. Christ was love and authenticity of the highest, and he came to save his people. How can I bring something authentic to my daughter, something worth hanging on to so that Christmas never becomes too much for her. What tradition can I impart her with, to fill her heart with love & joy, instead of feeling like she has to run to every store in search of perfect matieralism.

For this I have no answer, other than to declare that my heart is yearning to find something deeper, something that moves me, something that means something. I have goosebumps thinking about what I might find, and inside my being I have the answer. I will try to run around and find it elsewhere, but alas I will come back home and the answer will be waiting inside my heart. When get quiet, I will find the peace within for the season. I will sit and receive the gifts of spirit, that will become my families traditions. For now I will ponder anxiously, and when I choose to become still, I trust the answers will come.

The phone

Today I turned off the ringer on my phone for the entire day, and evening. Peace and tranquility abounded from this simple change. I had a harmonious living environment for today, absent were the ringing of various interruptions. I didn't even think about it, it was a whisper in my thoughts, and I decided to take the plunge. I use the phone as an outlet and connection during my day, and am convinced that each call must be important. Today's change marked an important one for my spirit. I am no longer going to let what I think I enjoy rule my days, for today. I will try again tomorrow. I noticed that my daughter was even more peaceful. We didn't leave the house for an entire day yet she hardly seemed to notice. I made and returned a few important calls, work, friend, etc, but the house remained free from the noise. It kept its peace. My daughter's appreciation will hopefully jostle me in the future....I can just remember her peace, and my peace, enjoying the harmony. I also enjoyed limited computer time in the morning, and put the laptop away for the rest of the day. Both changes were monumental because I am convinced that I love the phone and the computer. The Ego has fed this to me becuase it keeps me away from visiting my true, authentic, self. When I am distracted by the phone and computer I can't be completely connecting with who I really am, its impossible. The Ego doesn't want you to become aquainted with your higher self, and it will fight hard to keep you away. I am working to bring more peace into my life, one minute at a time. Being mindful of the technological interruptions is an important place for me to start. Peace and Joy are the reasons, and the true self is worth getting to know.

Peace within

This is a place where I offer myself the gift of journeying inward, to a deeper place where we all dwell. To the place that contains our gifts of self. The gifts that we hope to bestow upon the earth. The gifts that show our infinite connection to God. Within us lies the key to unlocking the peace within. The calmness and tranquility that comes from being connected to something other than our ego. Get behind the ego and we open to a world of heavenly delights, only to be found by a select few, yet available to all.

I am journeying there, to my quiet place within, where I can hear the whispers of God divinely guiding me to light, love, and peace. The quiet is hard to find. The quiet is unreachable at times. The peace is unreachable. The block is the ego, it will always feed you what you don't need, yet what we desperately cling to. Mental noise and thoughts that are of nothing, but to our egoic selves they are of everything. "So and so is backstabbing me, I need new clothes, new this, a raise, I don't make enough, I won't ask for help because I'll look weak, I need to lose 10lbs by Christmas." Mental noise feeds the ego and keeps us away from who we really are, which is God. We are all one.

I can't commit to remaining in a place of peace. I can only work to quietly remind myself that there is more, I am more, we are all more, and in order to find it we must get silent. We must sit and wait for nothing, and everything, for the whispers of our Higher Self, connected to God. We have access to infinite wisdom, yet we receive so little of it because we aren't silent. Be the space for others, and be the space for ourselves, to receive the peace and ever-present flow of Love.

Belly Dancing

I've decided to take a belly dancing class. My inner being wants to take this class very bad. I want to find my inner goddess. She exists, and carries infinite wisdom and abundance for my life, yet due to my limited capabilities I haven't let her in yet. Belly dancing may connect me to me, behind the egoic self. The true, present, and authentic beautiful energy field that we all are, yet are so hidden from each other behind veils of imperfections. We aren't those things that we appear to be. We are so much more. We are God. We are Light, love, truth, and peace. We are love.

I am looking forward to journeying inward to myself, the Goddess self.