Christmas

I am having internal struggles with Christmas this year. I feel tense, and anxious about the upcoming holidays. My heart is finding it difficult to be part of the collective energy of shopping and decorating, as it all feels empty to me. I question what is behind all of the madness, and feel duped by companies that want to take more of my money. I will be buying gifts for people that were mass made, without love and care, yet my heart is yearning for gifts made with love & care. The energy of the season feels tense, and I long to find a beautiful, peaceful, non-tradtional, yet traditional enough, way of celebrating this season of beauty.

The season is supposed to be dedicated, with all of our hearts/spirit/love to the birth of Christ. Christ was love and authenticity of the highest, and he came to save his people. How can I bring something authentic to my daughter, something worth hanging on to so that Christmas never becomes too much for her. What tradition can I impart her with, to fill her heart with love & joy, instead of feeling like she has to run to every store in search of perfect matieralism.

For this I have no answer, other than to declare that my heart is yearning to find something deeper, something that moves me, something that means something. I have goosebumps thinking about what I might find, and inside my being I have the answer. I will try to run around and find it elsewhere, but alas I will come back home and the answer will be waiting inside my heart. When get quiet, I will find the peace within for the season. I will sit and receive the gifts of spirit, that will become my families traditions. For now I will ponder anxiously, and when I choose to become still, I trust the answers will come.

The phone

Today I turned off the ringer on my phone for the entire day, and evening. Peace and tranquility abounded from this simple change. I had a harmonious living environment for today, absent were the ringing of various interruptions. I didn't even think about it, it was a whisper in my thoughts, and I decided to take the plunge. I use the phone as an outlet and connection during my day, and am convinced that each call must be important. Today's change marked an important one for my spirit. I am no longer going to let what I think I enjoy rule my days, for today. I will try again tomorrow. I noticed that my daughter was even more peaceful. We didn't leave the house for an entire day yet she hardly seemed to notice. I made and returned a few important calls, work, friend, etc, but the house remained free from the noise. It kept its peace. My daughter's appreciation will hopefully jostle me in the future....I can just remember her peace, and my peace, enjoying the harmony. I also enjoyed limited computer time in the morning, and put the laptop away for the rest of the day. Both changes were monumental because I am convinced that I love the phone and the computer. The Ego has fed this to me becuase it keeps me away from visiting my true, authentic, self. When I am distracted by the phone and computer I can't be completely connecting with who I really am, its impossible. The Ego doesn't want you to become aquainted with your higher self, and it will fight hard to keep you away. I am working to bring more peace into my life, one minute at a time. Being mindful of the technological interruptions is an important place for me to start. Peace and Joy are the reasons, and the true self is worth getting to know.

Peace within

This is a place where I offer myself the gift of journeying inward, to a deeper place where we all dwell. To the place that contains our gifts of self. The gifts that we hope to bestow upon the earth. The gifts that show our infinite connection to God. Within us lies the key to unlocking the peace within. The calmness and tranquility that comes from being connected to something other than our ego. Get behind the ego and we open to a world of heavenly delights, only to be found by a select few, yet available to all.

I am journeying there, to my quiet place within, where I can hear the whispers of God divinely guiding me to light, love, and peace. The quiet is hard to find. The quiet is unreachable at times. The peace is unreachable. The block is the ego, it will always feed you what you don't need, yet what we desperately cling to. Mental noise and thoughts that are of nothing, but to our egoic selves they are of everything. "So and so is backstabbing me, I need new clothes, new this, a raise, I don't make enough, I won't ask for help because I'll look weak, I need to lose 10lbs by Christmas." Mental noise feeds the ego and keeps us away from who we really are, which is God. We are all one.

I can't commit to remaining in a place of peace. I can only work to quietly remind myself that there is more, I am more, we are all more, and in order to find it we must get silent. We must sit and wait for nothing, and everything, for the whispers of our Higher Self, connected to God. We have access to infinite wisdom, yet we receive so little of it because we aren't silent. Be the space for others, and be the space for ourselves, to receive the peace and ever-present flow of Love.

Belly Dancing

I've decided to take a belly dancing class. My inner being wants to take this class very bad. I want to find my inner goddess. She exists, and carries infinite wisdom and abundance for my life, yet due to my limited capabilities I haven't let her in yet. Belly dancing may connect me to me, behind the egoic self. The true, present, and authentic beautiful energy field that we all are, yet are so hidden from each other behind veils of imperfections. We aren't those things that we appear to be. We are so much more. We are God. We are Light, love, truth, and peace. We are love.

I am looking forward to journeying inward to myself, the Goddess self.