Monday, December 3, 2007

Christmas


I am having internal struggles with Christmas this year. I feel tense, and anxious about the upcoming holidays. My heart is finding it difficult to be part of the collective energy of shopping and decorating, as it all feels empty to me. I question what is behind all of the madness, and feel duped by companies that want to take more of my money. I will be buying gifts for people that were mass made, without love and care, yet my heart is yearning for gifts made with love & care. The energy of the season feels tense, and I long to find a beautiful, peaceful, non-tradtional, yet traditional enough, way of celebrating this season of beauty.

The season is supposed to be dedicated, with all of our hearts/spirit/love to the birth of Christ. Christ was love and authenticity of the highest, and he came to save his people. How can I bring something authentic to my daughter, something worth hanging on to so that Christmas never becomes too much for her. What tradition can I impart her with, to fill her heart with love & joy, instead of feeling like she has to run to every store in search of perfect matieralism.

For this I have no answer, other than to declare that my heart is yearning to find something deeper, something that moves me, something that means something. I have goosebumps thinking about what I might find, and inside my being I have the answer. I will try to run around and find it elsewhere, but alas I will come back home and the answer will be waiting inside my heart. When get quiet, I will find the peace within for the season. I will sit and receive the gifts of spirit, that will become my families traditions. For now I will ponder anxiously, and when I choose to become still, I trust the answers will come.